Heartbreak….that is a different type of a love story…
Have you had your heartbroken? Shattered into pieces? Feeling like there is no way possible that it can be healed? I’m sure many of us can relate to this, if not once, but several times in this lifetime.
Unfortunately, I can relate greatly and have experienced two heartbreaks that I thought would end in my life being over. Literally feeling like I had no purpose on this earth anymore.
Looking back, I am so thankful for these experiences because these heartbreaks led to my biggest breakthroughs. I actually thank the two men for allowing me to experience it because I wouldn’t be the warrior I am today, if it weren’t for the endings. Of course, I don’t wish the pain I endured on my worst enemy, but I still remain thankful and count it all JOY!
How you might ask? It surely didn’t feel this way at first, even for the first year, but it truly re-wrote my story. This would be part of my testimony and part of my journey in life. Because it isn’t about our destination, but about the journey on the way there. Truly, I leaned into God and looked to Him, more than I had ever done in my life. I found myself on my knees, crying out and surrendering the pain to Him daily, sometimes multiple times a day, even every hour. It felt like emotional pain that I couldn’t bare that started to turn into physical pain as well.
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” [Psalm 34:18]
God makes beauty from ashes. He promises to heal our heart. He molds and prunes us as men and women of Christ who seek His love FIRST and foremost. It can be so easy to seek the love of a man or woman in which they ultimately determine our happiness and fulfill our hearts. This fulfillment is so temporary. Whether they break our hearts, pass away, or disappoint us, we will still experience the same chronic feelings of emptiness. We can’t put our worthiness in another person, but we must put it in God who is eternal and always constant.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” [Hebrews 13:8]
Just briefly, my first heartbreak was the ending of a near, 7 year relationship that lasted from high school almost to the end of college. As time went on, especially after moving away to college, it became very clear that we were not on the same page–I knew we likely would never be–but I saw his potential and so I dated the potential and not the man in front of me, whom I was settling for. Even though I didn’t know Jesus yet, I knew there was something wrong. I promised myself I wouldn’t allow this man to distract or deter me from my future dreams or take away my identity. But, I allowed exactly the opposite to happen. When I was “locked down” in college, studying and literally being faithful, I discovered he was cheating on me and MAN OH MAN…did I think my world was over! I nearly ended my life because of the pain of heartbreak. BUT, I looked back almost a year later and truly, truly thanked God for removing him from my life. He didn’t deserve me and I didn’t allow myself to identify with what I truly did deserve.
The next time around I thought…I’ll never let my guard down. I’ll never let another man determine my happiness or take over my heart in such a way that I lose my worthiness in them. WRONG. Boy, did I make this next man work…haha. He really did the chase for years, which let’s be honest ladies, it should always be like that. But, once I let him in and became more and more certain that he was different and a man of God as he claimed to be…it was probably even more hurtful than the last heartbreak because after giving my life to God, I asked God…how could you allow this to happen to me again, but supposedly by a Man of God?
The answer was…he wasn’t walking with the Lord. He was one of those claiming that he was, but he was in the driver seat and God was somewhere in the trunk…on the back burner. The first few years were great, the honeymoon phase lasted longer than what seemed real, it got real after that. Nearly five years in, he admitted that he was addicted to drugs amongst several other big lies (which mind you, was one thing I said from the beginning I wouldn’t deal with, not to discriminate but I think that needs to be dealt with before getting in a partnership) and hearing this was the tip of the iceberg. Not to mention, he was “Getting help” from a woman who supposedly was helping him come off of drugs, but was spending the night in a hotel with her and this was supposed to be “okay” with me!! Which could have totally been true, but even if it was, how the heck do you think I felt? As a woman, that’s such a slap in the face. Like dude, come to me and we can work through things together (I was willing to accept it and help, but he wasn’t), so of course things ended and I again thought my life was over. This hurt me so bad, I actually prayed several times a day that the Lord would take me because I couldn’t deal with the emotional pain. BUT GOD. He is so darn faithful. He removed this man that I loved so dearly, I thought we would get married one day, and replaced what I thought was love, with HIS unconditional love.
He has shown me how to love myself. Who I am. How much I deserve. How much I am worth. And that no matter what, no matter what I struggled with, that a man of God would never leave my side nor would he lie to me about such things.
I thank God everyday for taking me away from what I thought I wanted and showing me what He knows I need.
With that said, your heart break doesn’t have to be the end of your story. In fact, it is quite the opposite–it is just the beginning. It is your BREAKTHROUGH and everything to come is just that much better!